I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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