roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize