I don't think brook has ever known best
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
