The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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