Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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