The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
