Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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