Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
