I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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