Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
