You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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