you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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