when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
as a side note pls kill me
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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