just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
