So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
