im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
