So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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