When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
