I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
