thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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