I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
