My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
