My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
