I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
