But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I have feelings that need drinking.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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