Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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