i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
