remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
