Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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