So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
