guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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