I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
