so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
