If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
it's like iHOP with fire
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
