I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
