I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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