Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
