Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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