He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
