I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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