From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize