I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
