Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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