I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
