Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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