that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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