Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
