This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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