and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
