you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
