Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize