Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
She needs sedatives and a leash
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
