it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
two words...techno handjob
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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