Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
