none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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