does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
