We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
