Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
