i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
