Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
