Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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