Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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