Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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