you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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