your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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