I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
