If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
