shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
