Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
should my penis look like a turkey
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
