You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize