I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
