chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
40s are totally the cure
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Randomize
